My walking experiences

Walking has been a vital part of my life, not because it is healthy n stuff, it is because I have a bit too many memories associated with that. I have always walked ever since my school days, long walks with no destination, super long walks with a friend, late night walks just to have a cup of coffee from a street vendor in Gandhi Bazaar (Bangalore, India).

My usual walk will be, well, used to be mostly alone, not on a common route but in a familiar area. Thoughts just flow in my mind as I walk, analysing myself, my day and people, people I meet, my family and the circumstances I am in and the people are in. It has always been something that I would love to do. A good company, a long walk talking to myself as I see and watch things around is like a bliss.

I have been on frequent walks when I was in India, well at least once a week and here in the UK I used to never go for long walks here. I feel it a bit intimidating and like someone is always watching you. I have never felt comfortable to go on walks here because an asian guy walking alone late in the night is an easy target and with all the drunkards around, walk would not be appealing. Lately I had been on a walk, not late night, sometime just after the evening when the temperature was just right for a walk. I was remembering all those beautiful walks in India as I walk and was talking to myself (yes, I always do) and a Brit walked beside me smiling. I smiled back and asked, “Why are you smiling? Did u hear me speaking?” There was a reply that shocked me, guess what?...... He said “I thought you heard me speaking” I was with a blank expression and he walked off. I was smiling after that and was happy to learn that I am not the only one in the world who speaks to himself, there are a few more and I had just met one. Isn’t it cool?

After all everyone is a human

Another quotable experience in public transport, this time not in the train. It was in a bus. Well, I would say an empty bus. One teenage couple; I and a white family with no woman were the only passengers in the bus. It was pretty evident that the woman of the family was not present in their lives. It was a family of two little girls and a father. The father was sitting in the front seat of the bus and the two girls were standing next to him holding the pole. The bus driver was a bit of an Indian auto driver kinds and was speeding in the narrow roads of Guildford. At one point, he applied brakes and one of the girls fell over in the bus. There was an expression in the face of the father. A mixture of anxiety over his daughter and annoyance over the driver. I can never forget that expression. It made me feel that we are all humans, after all humans. We all feel the same; we may be different in the colour of our skin or the way we speak, or the way we live, but all show the basic animal instinct to love and being loved.

Being a Twenty Something

"Being a twenty-something

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at what u are studying or your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone! but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...
and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. Well everyone who is in their twenties or even thirties. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. "

This is a forward that I got sometime back. I usually wont read many of them (especially if it is an attachment), but this one I read and I feel I can relate to it too much and so you people. Let me know if this makes sense to you.

Alas.................

Alas..................men DO cry

A Perfect Picture?

I don’t work in London nor in one of those high rise buildings in its suburbs. I work in one of the richest localities of the UK in not so high rise retail complex. I sit near the window in the staff canteen, seating on one of high rise chair with my lunch box in front of me, a pack of crisp and a fruit in the staff canteen which has décor similar to a call centre in India. Trying to read a novel, I look around to see if anyone is bothered to see what I am eating/doing. Bored with the book, I see through the window to see this perfect picture (?) A not-so-common bright sunny, yet cold winter day in the UK, traffic signal with the red lights on and around ten cars neatly aligned one behind another within the small lane. A family with teenagers who were surprisingly well behaved, a young mum with the baby in the buggy looking frantic as she cross the road and a group of youngsters with either coke/coffee cups in their hands. There I sit on the high seat with a crisp in my hand and mouth open and look amazed. Just around 200 pictures flash through my memory as it a happens in one of the those old Bollywood films when the hero sees his long-lost twin brother, but here with me no twin brothers, but reminding me of everything I miss. My family, friends and all those lovely and long chats and laughs in my college/school days. The chaotic traffic, the buzz of peoples’ presence (yes, just the presence) all flash in front of me as a collage and I think that was perfect picture!!

My first grey hair :-)

Um….. it is time for me to realize that I am getting old I guess. I have got my first grey hair and believe it or not I have taken its picture. It will be daft if I upload that picture. I am thinking, am I that old or is it because I am thinking too much or is it because a mixture Garnier Fructis, Head n Shoulders, Dove and Himalaya shampoo for a week can cause some greyness? I prefer to choose the third option.

Status Quo

I hate changes... I know ‘change’ is the only thing that can’t be changed; however changes still happen. Things change, circumstances change, ideas change and sometimes people do change. The reasons for this change may be hundreds, but the change is inevitable. I personally don’t like change, and I personally hate if the change changes quite frequently. It disturbs the status quo of everyone involved and it takes all the time to get the quo right again. The reason why I am writing this is because my house mates have relocated. They all are not here right now. It is just three boys now, who hardly speak/see each other. It is just another add on disturbance to the already confused state of mind.

The ‘I’ word

To complement my earlier confabulate article, I am writing this. Its not that I have gone mad with the English words. It’s just my observations and I how relate and connect them, ultimately to bug you. I was reading an article some time back. It was a result of a survey. A survey carried out by a company to find out the most used word in any business conversation and to do this, they could not get any other better place than a call centre. The word/letter was ‘I’. I personally think it is the only alphabet in English which is both a word and a letter. It was found that on an average the agents used the word ‘I’ for 60-65 times in a conversation. It just shows how important the word is. It is not a mere word/letter, it is ‘YOU’ described in a single alphabet. The physical embodiment of you, your identity, your ideas, your thoughts, your life and ultimately ‘YOU’. It is so weird that we don’t think of such things in our daily life. As I mentioned earlier in my ‘confabulate’ article, the ‘ear’s’ wish is never taken into consideration. Observe a typical conversation between any two, you would always see the ‘I’ factor. The person would be waiting to let off some information about him/her and the same holds good to you as well. No wonder there are centres set up just to listen to ‘I’’s story. Did you notice how many ‘I’s I have used in this small article. That is the power of ‘I’.

Ooph!!! Weather !!!

Its been an awful weather here for a few days now. Foggy! Cant see 10m in front of you.The forecast says the highest temperature will be around 3 C for next few days with persistent fog. Well, I would say HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

The above picture is beautiful. It is of the Cathedral in the place I live taken on a supposedly sunny day. Two years in this country, I can confirm that this country is badly in need of sense, spice and sun.

Confabulate: Talk informally, familiarly

I am reading a novel and one of the words in there caught my attention was confabulate. Sounds like a combination of words consulate and fabulous. con·fab·u·late- /kənˈfæb yəˌleɪt/ Pronunciation Key - [kuh n-fab-yuh-leyt], but the actual meaning according to a dictionary and dictionary.com is to talk informally and familiarly. I was trying to relate it to our daily lives. It’s all different and all unique, each one of ours. There are stories of happiness, sadness, laughter, agony and many more expressions and emotions. When I think of this word, I think it perfectly fits in each of our lives context. Each of our lives is a story, a fable. The tinge of ‘fable’ in the word shows how we talk so well about our stories. Always wanting a keen ear to listen to it, irrespective of the ear’s wish to listen or not. I would say that we all are the sufferers of ‘Confabulatism’ (that’s my own word now). Dont you agree?

BORED!!!!!

I guess today has been one of the worst days here in the UK. Reason …um… still reasoning at the end of the day but haven’t come up with an answer. I have never slacked so much at work in my 3-4 years of career life as today. I called in ‘SICK’ to work though I was very healthy. Dint do anything for the whole day, was lying on bed and analysing life for ages, then I could hear voices of my tummy-grumbling, had to eat very badly. Got up and ate some torture sambar (Indian dish) which I had made the night before with Garam Masala (Indian Spice Mix) in it. After dragging myself to the gym, I fell asleep on one of the machines after lifting some weights. I went back to my house and read the blogs that I usually read and surprisingly many of them had things on boredom. It is pretty surprising how everyone would feel bored same time. I have done all to get rid of this state, you wont believe I even ran a search on Google on ‘how not to get bored’ and one of websites gave some wonderful ideas, one of them was great thing to do. It asked the bored person to pull his/her hair and stick the pulled hair on to someone else’s ear. Am sleeping now after a torturous bored day, hope I will be okay after a good night’s sleep.

A story

A 55 word story written on other blog for a friendly contest.

Scene 1

“No Capt. Subodh, Don’t”
“Sorry Sir, I can’t do this to him, It’s our Bopu” replied in a loud voice…… With tears in eyes “My Bopu Sir”

Scene 2

“Capt. Bopanna Ponnaccha, don’t worry, you’re are okay, there is no shelling now”
With pain and anguish “Subodh, I know you will come back for me”

WOW- War of Worlds/Words

I think the 100+ nations in the world have all fought wars. Wars have been fought in one way or another, within themselves or against each other in one way or another. The reconciliation committees, the UN, Anti war groups are a few who try to avoid wars of worlds. In war “Nobody wins, everyone loses” in one way or another. Well, I guess I am not knowledgeable enough to discuss world; however I would like to highlight a simple episode(s) that keep(s) happening between a person who I know for years and its just that two strong personalities having a head on fight. A war of words. Words go out as missiles and arrows against each other and it gets a bit too much when other people try and act as reconciliatory and try to sober our war. When I think of it, it is all for trivial matters/discussions which doesn’t add much value to anything; however it is a race to put another person at shame, make him/her feel bad/guilty for what he has done. It is hard to follow the idealism, I have read and try to implement the concept ‘the best way to win an argument is to be quiet’ but many a times the quietness is misunderstood and is taken for granted. I wonder how people can live without valuing another person. I pity all my fellow humans in all those war ridden countries and also all those waging war as well. It’s a shame. If just words cause so much of thinking and anguish, imagine people who die in war who would have suffered both physical and mental abuse. I dread to think about it. The positives and negatives usually balance but in wars the negatives outweigh the positives leaving a permanent scar. It’s a shame that most knowledgeable creatures on earth ‘HUMANS’ fight. In wars, be it war of worlds/words, “EVERYONE LOSES, NOBODY WINS’

The Infectious Epidemic - SMILE

Every one of us would have received thousands or at least hundreds of forwarded emails about SMILE. All of it would have emphasised why we should smile or something about smile, but if you observe the people around, you may find it hard to locate a genuine smile. The SMILEs now are all tainted, expecting something of it or it would be a sarcastic smile or anything but not genuine. If you consider only the adults, I presume that only around 5-10% of people in the world genuinely smile. A boy smiles at a girl expecting that something would happen between them or a worker smiles at his boss to be in good terms with him. A person standing in the bus smiles at the one who is sitting hoping that person would share his seat. As I said, all smiles are not genuine. I guess it is not hard to recognize a genuine smile. One such smile is of a child, a baby or a toddler. I am telling you because I experienced it sometime back in a train. Yes! You read it correct. In a train. It’s weird how people learn from different things from experiences in different places. Anyways, we all were in the train station (we = fellow travellers) waiting for the train. The train was delayed by 20 mins. Oh Boy! It DOES happen here in the UK and it does happen quite frequently. I was talking about the train delays. Um…. as usual, I saw many people with their books/novels/newspaper reading or glancing act. It’s pretty unusual to see someone to read a 500 page novel standing on a platform. There was another set of young – mid aged people with the earphones of their MP3 players/ipods/radios/ whatever gadgets plugged to their ears. I was there with my book in hand ( which I have been reading only while travelling) and listening to the songs on my MP3 player. It is not unusual of me to do both things at the same time. Though I was meant to either read my novel or listen to songs, I wasn’t doing nothing. I was observing people around me. It was 5 mins for the train to arrive. I saw a woman with a beautiful toddler and his buggy rushing down the stairs to get into the train. The train had arrived now and people were getting into the train. The lady smiled at me and I understood she needed some help and I put her buggy in the train as she got into it with her kid. I got in after the lady and the doors were shut. She managed to get the only seat in the compartment next to an old couple and I had to stand. She unfolded the buggy and made her boy sleep in it. I was busy observing people. The baby was awake and was staring at me. It smiled at me and I smiled back, it smiled more. I started to smile more and make funny faces at the baby. I think it liked it and started smiling more and more. People around started to notice the conversation between me and the baby. They all added their bits to it. After a couple of minutes, the part of the compartment where I was all smiley and people were all smiling and talking to each other as if they knew each other for ages. The books, players were all out for a couple of mins and by that time I had to get down. I was thinking as I walk out of the train station that the genuine smile of the baby made the mood in the train light and lovely. That is the actual potential of the smile. I had read about it, now I had experienced it. A smile is definitely infectious and a genuine smile has amazing powers. Next time, genuinely smile at a stranger and let me know what happened???

Yaava MoHana Murali KaReyiTho

Yaava MoHana Murali KaReyiTho, DhUra ThEerake NinnaNu
Yaava BriDHavanaVu SeLeyiTho, Ninna Mannina Kannanu ……

Its two years now, away from my home, home country, home land and my people. I am not feeling bad or sad for what I’ve done but there is definitely something that I do feel something which really can’t be put in words. I gauge how much I’ve gained staying away and then immediately I also think of how much I missed by not being there in my HOME. I can’t realistically calculate which is better and which is not. I sometimes wonder which is better and which is not. I sometimes wonder what made me come here and also think, what I would have been doing if I were not to be here. Sometimes, I feel, I have known people better staying here and also have known various different kinds of people and their lifestyles. It’s all relative and pretty weird. Well, the time can’t go back now. It’s all happened and now I am here in this country, which has taught me so much that I would have taken more time to learn there. I always knew the pastures always look greener on other end of the river but what is that we don’t have back home that this country has? Well, my experience says ‘NOTHING’. People here get one and loose on ten but people back home may not get the one but they so enjoy the rest they have. My stay in the UK is just an experience, not the LIFE. My experience continues and hopefully it would lead to exploring many other things which are due. I still wonder

Yaava MoHana Murali KaReyiTho, DhUra ThEerake NinnaNu
Yaava BriDHavanaVu SeLeyiTho, Ninna Mannina Kannanu ……

(It’s hard to translate this Kannada poem in English; however this is just an attempt.

"Which Krishna’s flute tune is calling you on the other end, which green pasture is attracting you from your land?”)

Another Satisfactory Day!!!

Well, I am not sure who on earth would be interested in what I do each day, but still, I would write this because it has been another satisfactory day of my life. Such days are to me in the recent past. The uncertain-ness, ambiguity, and many similar 100 reasons have never let me be ME. Anyways, it’s everyone’s meal I guess. Um…yes the reasons why I say it was another satisfactory day is because I tried so many new things and also I had an experience which made me feel good (nothing like what u r thinking). First, I played snooker (Hitting the ball to where it was meant to go with the cue. My earlier attempt with snooker was like shooting in the dark) Next, I tried TRAMPOLINE. (The spring net that shoots you up in the air and where one performs all the gymnastics in the air) It is one such feeling where you are falling down but the next moment you are flying. Also, worked out and played badminton for a while. Well, a lot of physical exercise in a day eh? But none of this was not as good as the last one. The one I am talking about is the gesture, an expression of gratitude. It happened that I was behind an old white couple (probably in their 80s and they were using walking sticks to support themselves) on an escalator in a shopping mall. The old gentleman lost his balance on the escalator and was about to fall. I held him from behind and supported him till we reach the top. I was surprised by my reflex. It was good that I held him; else, he would have rolled down the escalator. We reached the top and that is when the man actually saw me and was surprised to see a non white, but he had an expression on his face. Genuine heartfelt thanks. That made my day (well the rest of the evening). It is a pleasure to be a support to someone at times when they really need it and in this case, I was literally a physical support to the man. The feeling of someone being there when you really need someone is very comforting and this feeling can be a cushion during the frequent ‘falls’ of our lives.

Oh!! What a day???

YES!! 27th Aug 2006, has been a great day for me in the UK.. first ..I did the pooja to Lord Ganesha (Hindu God) because it is Ganesha Chathurthi and later in the evening, I had a small leaving do party in a thai restuarant because I quit my old company and joined a new company, it was a lovely dinner with not so many people, but a few who did make it a memorable evening. I enjoyed it, it was awesome and if u dont find any grammatical or spelling errors in the above lines, it means I am NOT drunk as well :)..........

My 'GOOBE' Friends

It would be a tribute to my friends, an honour to me and you will be the victim as my memories flow. I will try n not to mention anybody’s name in here. It will be infringing into their privacy though they are they are my best buddies and also it is against Guru’s Data Protection and Privacy Act of 1999. Um… it is a group of seven people, four boys and three girls, a perfect mix to maintain the rhythm of our lives. It is almost half my life time (at present) since I have known them, most of them since 12 years or more with two of them joining us a year later. Well, it has been a journey, journey of our lives. The past, the present and hopefully the future. We were all tiny little high school kids when we all first met. Every one of us are unique in own way, talented and blessed in one way or another. We were at an age when none of these really did matter to us when we all first met. It was age when we tried to form meanings to our environment, our people. It was the tender age of accepting mostly everything we were offered. The age when we did not know the meaning of relationships or meaning of friendship. The early teens, the beautiful years of ones life, where you expect all the good to you. Good teachers, good pocket money, good parents, good friends, good looking people as friends, everything around you should be good. The age when we learn about ourselves, our body, mind and also think of future in really weird ways. It was the age when we all met, the age when we all were framing our meaning structure of our lives. So for many of us, the whole meaning of all the things I mentioned above revolves around these people. I am not sure of remaining six, but it is how I have frame worked my thoughts. Said that, I would say, I have been one of the few fortunate people in the world who are blessed with at least a few friends. I mean FRIENDS and not acquaintances.

With few secrets among us, we virtually know everything about everyone and we don’t shy away even if we have to confide for the silliest reasons. Many of us have taken similar paths in career and life style; however there are a few like me, who is still hunting to find a solid base to settle down. It has turned out that at every point of time since we have known each other, two of the seven has been doing similar things, like there are two electronic engineers, two doctors (though they specialize in different subjects) and now two girls are married. The days of our high school, college have been precious to us. It is not that we have no other friends than the ‘Goobe’ gang. Of course, we all have. There are many who have played important roles in our lives, many who have influenced us, a few who have been influenced by us. To me, all the new friendships developed are based on my Goobe gang. I guess they have set standards in my life. Oh! Yes, ‘Goobe’ is not our brand name, is not the way we are known to people, it is just the way we are known to ourselves. Goobe (Owl) is just apt and it rhythms with all our names (E.g.: Goobe Guru) and also the fact that most of we goobes were awake the whole night during our college days.

Over 13 years, things haven’t changed much (which I like) with each of us as growing as strong individuals. We all are now professionals or professionals-to-be and we do not have the time to meet as we used to do. The distance constraint, because many of us are in many different continents which sometimes even make a conference chat or call difficult. Of course, more responsibilities, family commitments all make us stay physically far from each other, we may not see each other for years, may not attend marriages or anything like that, we still have the same spirit, the spirit that binds together. I am sure the remaining six would agree to it.

There were days when we all watched a senseless movie together and tried to make sense of it within ourselves. The beautiful days of long and serious telephonic conversations. The serious silences, the little fights and misunderstandings, the offer of help in so many different unimaginable ways, the birthday parties, the meetings ahead of somebody’s b’day, the time spent in greetings gallery selecting cards and laughing at jokes imagining the person who the card is for. All these petite and lovely memories, locked up in me keep me going on. People say not to live in past, but I think, it is the past that makes the present and the present that makes the future. My hats off to my Goobe friends and my sincere thanks to God.

Self Deception!

I believe in God and good, God is not real. I would have had red cheeks by repeated slapping or burnt marks or broken bones by now if He were to be in real. How self deceiving can I get? I pray to God, quite often. It is one of the means for me to find concentration and solace. A means to believe in a belief. Unfortunately, over last three weeks, I have been mean, a swindler for myself. I have been promising to myself and to God every night that I would pray to Him the day next. The next day morning, I would be convinced myself, it is God; it is okay if I don’t do anything today. He won’t punish me for not doing anything and postpone my prayers. I am sad by my act and I should be sorry for that. SORRY!

The Need to BLOG

BLOG – the shortened form of web-log. I guess there are millions of thousands of websites on internet and millions of thousands of users of these websites. Probably there are a few thousands of websites offering blog services and of course the millions of users of these services. But why do these sites offer these services and why do people blog. The websites, yes, it is a part of their revenue generation, but what do we get from blogging. We here, are all bloggers. As I am writing this I am thinking why am I writing this? What for? Who will read this? There are so many blogs and so many users but the probability of someone reading what I write is say 0.00001% which could not been be even considered negligible.

I have asked people, why they write? They have come with answers like “I like writing” which is agreeable or “I want to share my ideas or thoughts” or a few go on “its happening, it’s a forum to exchange views, opinions” but a few exceptional argue that “I just want to write what I feel, I don’t care what people think, I don’t mind if people leave comments on what I write” which I feel is not real, I think people who say that put on a face and hide the reality.

After some deliberation into the reasoning, I found out the reason. The reason why people blog, a few of them may not agree or accept, but I feel it is the absolute truth. We all blog to be ‘APPRECIATED’!! Appreciated for our work, appreciated by people and appreciation for everything we do. The idea may not be practical and many of us would have not even thought about it, but if we knock the door of basic needs of humans, we would definitely find the concept of ‘Appreciation’. I would say appreciation is as basic a need as food, air or water for human to survive, to survive emotionally, though not physically. The law of Darwinism also holds well in this survival ‘Survival of the fittest’

When we get down to the basics of life to survive, everyone does everything to be appreciated for. A kid may start crying in a crowd thinking that his/her parents are drifting their attention from him/her and he is not being appreciated for what he/she does. If an innocent child is all for appreciation, imagine how much we adults crave for it or as in the phrase people ‘die for it’, either knowingly or unknowingly. They may not acknowledge it or they may substitute it with things like love, hate or something similar which are un-quantifiable by themselves.

Finally, we blog! The need for us to blog is only to satisfy our basic need, to quench our thirst for appreciation. I am sure one would be happy to see a comment on their thought, be it a good or bad, at least it reiterates the probability that someone has read your blog and your work has been appreciated irrespective of it being good or bad to you. I guess that is the reason why you can see ‘Number Visited’ meter at the end of some blog pages.

An IRRESTIBLE experience

You can’t believe what happened! What am I telling? Of course you will have to believe what I say, because it really did happen, it happens to everyone and only a few humble would put it in words. Well, I think it is enough! I should tell you what happened, Wait! Why not try yourself, I am sure it would be an IRRESTIBLE experience, believe me, it is seriously IRRESTIBLE. You can try, do the following

a) Drink loads of water. (Three or more litres preferred!)
b) Eat some ice cream (Or you can do with even a lolly)
c) Have some fruit juice (More thin juice would help! Like squash or apple juice but definitely no milk shakes)

Now the main thing to experience the ultimate! In the mean time, think of what all you had earlier. Take deep breaths and if possible append your liquid intake. Um…now your ultimate decision to experience the best experience. Don’t go to loo for next three hours. Let you control the nature. You know what next after this prelude of activities that you followed to have a great experience.

R u like Grrrr on me right now…….sorry; however it is the best experience a person can ever have. Thought would share something with everyone! I am sorry if you were expecting anything else. Honestly, it would be your most IRRESTIBLE experience, the word IRRESTIBLE used both as an adjective and a verb.

PIGS - Millionaires on loan

Thinking I have gone nuts eh? Not yet! Lemme explain it to you, who PIGS are and how are they classified as millionaires. Let me also tell you how I got this idea. It was sometime August 2005, just after our exams n projects here in the UK. My friend, who is pretty witty, pointed out that we (all of our Indian gang members at the university in the UK) are all millionaires. We’ve all paid £10000 as tuition fees and loads more for our staying in this western country. Though minimal lifestyle expenditure, it is considered to be expensive, more expensive if you convert the currency, which is always the case when one goes to any other country (be it appreciating or depreciating). £2000-£3000 more to live here! This makes the total cost of £12K-13K!

12-13 grand is approximately equivalent to INR1000000. Know what? It is a million! (I know we don’t follow that system) We couldn’t believe we all had spent INR 1m living here in the UK for a year. So we all were millionaires! More than 20 millionaires in one room! How exciting it could be! Posh eh? Then our discussion went on how we managed the 1m. It was unveiled that 1m has been courtesy of either SBI (State Bank of India), Canara Bank, Bank of India or some other bank. Only a few said the courtesy was his father’s bank account. Well that was it on that day!

Now I think... now we all have become PIGS -Poor Indian Graduate Students (a slang abbreviation coined by the Indian graduate students in the US), we still remain millionaires and we still remain millionaires on loan.

Fake smile, dry throat, red n damp eyes!!!!!!!

Ooopphh!! Well it is a nomadic life. Move on! Move on where? To a different place! Relocate! Why…? To reach an unknown destiny! A part of life’s journey. Yes it is all the facts of life, in fact hard realities, realities that usually wipes of the camouflage of all being good. The moment of truth, the moment when someone is not being with you after a minute, the moment when one is going away!! I have always been amazed by the way how relationships are formed and how, we will know its importance once you are deprived of it. In ‘Friends’, the sitcom, the point I am talking about is well captured in one episode when Rachel leaves Monica’s and go to Phoebe’s. It is good in the drama like that and moreover all are girls, we men don’t cry (at least I don’t!!). I have been (un)fortunate to experience it from both the ends, I meant the receiving and giving end. On the giving end, all the ‘Love you’s and ‘Miss you’s from my mom, my sis and my family when I left home was though ringing in my ears, I could not speak a word like that, because it made others think that I am weak. At the receiving end, it is your chance to tell them how you feel about them, but yet, you won’t express anything, because it will again make others think how weak you are. Yet I still feel the same as everyone. All the feelings are hidden behind a fake smile, very evident ounces of tasteless saliva being gulped into my dry throat and red damp eyes!!!!

I think all men feel the same or least agree to this!!!

We dont make friends; we recognize them

This is definitely true with me. I am sure it would be with most of them. I have no strategy to choose friends, Infact I don’t choose them. They happen!! I mean, I don’t make them my friends, I recognize a friend in them. I’ve always wondered what ticks between people? and especially with friends. Can anyone random be my friend? Other than the idea of global relationship and all the people in the world are friends, I don’t find any valid reason. Global thoughts apart, personally the word ‘friend’ to me has a real great meaning (don’t worry, I wont explain what it means, because I don’t know how to explain). According to me there is a clear distinction between ‘friends’ and ‘acquaintances’. Well I have been confused many times over the thin line of difference, I still am not clear how to differentiate; however I have grown up enough to recognize the difference I guess. In the past, there have been instances, to choose people as friends; a few took more time to recognize a friend in me and with a few more, I took time. I think, it is not the quantity of friends you have, it is the quality of relationship you share with your friends that is important. Over years, people grow, expectations grow, ideas change, people meet people, we always look for the face to recognize something similar… we become friends!

“We don’t make friends, we recognize them.”

Dr. Dorothy Rowe
In the book ‘Friends or Enemies’

The Multi-faced me (us)!

Yes! That’s true! I am multi-faced, so are, we all. Confused!? Well, I am confused myself when I think of this idea. I see myself different than as you see me. The idea of being different with different people! Can’t there be a standard ‘Guru’? I am just another normal being in this social world. I think I represent a majority of people. I know many who are like me, different at different times. Why is it always like this with me (us)?

I always observe people and their behaviour in groups and individually. Interestingly, they are not same, sometimes not even similar. They act, talk and behave different and what is more interesting is that all these changes constantly and takes the shape that fits into the environment around which they are at that time. They squeeze in to the form that just fits them into that milieu. The thought of mine is the reasoning behind it. To find answers for questions, Why do we do this? Why put on faces? Why can’t we be just one all the time?

Is it for money? Business reasons? Or ??? Isnt it cheating ourselves, be a chameleon and put faces. Surprisingly, many companies, especially internet ones cater for our needs for being multi-faced. There are always options to choose a ‘Public Profile’ and a ‘Personal Profile’ for one single person and many other websites allows creating more than one profile (Yahoo! for example allows you to create up to 5 profiles with one login).
Why do we need so many profiles, we are just ‘One’. One thought that struck me as I end this article is probably we all are trying to prove what great philosophers have always voiced
“Jeevana Ondhu Naataka ranGa, Naavella kevala PaThraDharigalu”
(Life is a drama and we all are actors), but just literally!!!

PS: I have found some interesting pictures that could be related to the above idea, the multiple faces we have, how people perceive each other and how we squeeze into the environment taking different shapes and sizes.

Behind orkut, there are many other donuts!!!!

Hows that sounding ! Well that’s the fortune for orkut. I would say so. I wonder which psychic has been employed by google. They come up with amazingly true and great predictions of fortune.... it once said...in my orkut id..

It just told me that I am an able man, but the second part of it has many comprehensions. The donut specialist thinks we are nuts! The question of my interest is not what orkut does but it is that “Why do we still see these things?” Thousands of people say, “It’s all crap”, yet that is a regular in anything, be it a website, a celebrity magazine or even an undersold news paper. It is still one of the favourites of many of us. Only thing could be, that we don’t want to accept and think that it is all old.

When I was a kid, a typical conversation when asking for a magazine from any of my aunties would be
I…." Swalpa book kodtheera” (Can I borrow that book?)
Aunty ……. “Thadiyoo….. vaara bhavishya odtha iddini” ( Wait… I am reading weekly horoscopes)

Is it the idea that 'all old' is bad or is it the reason that 'all new' is good. How much do we actually think before deciding something like this? Are we just falling for the fad of the modern world or is the modern day cult masking our actual reasoning?

The French woman

A knock on the door on my friends flat, a loud noise of someone climbing down the stairs hurriedly that hushed down in a second. The entire exciting suspense dint result in the door being opened, but I definitely heard that F word by a feminine voice once my friend opened the door. She has run down the stairs to turn the stove off which had already burnt her bland and tasteless pasta. All curious with our heads down trying to see what is left in that burnt pan, which dint actually give me a chance to see the person who was responsible……

Thanks to the burnt pasta, it ignited a conversation between us three. It was then I actually got a chance to glimpse the beautiful face. She was gorgeous, like a Greek angel. The kitchen was all murky with the smoke from the burnt pan under cold water. My friend introduced each other and it was just laughter after that. After half an hour of talk about people in France, India and the UK and their lifestyles there was a pause. She broke the silence by asking me ‘Are you married?’ I threw my lavish smile at her and replied ‘No’ and my immediate ticklish impulse was to ask ‘And U?’, which I did. I was amazed by her response. She said ‘I don’t believe in relationships’. She was in her late thirties and had only had a few ‘no strings attached’ relationships to quench her humane needs (exact words used by her). She gave an example of her uncle in France who had married and divorced five times and now he is still single (???). She had lost all the belief in relationships and was not in touch with any of her family as well. I was muted for a while, she was defending her belief. She was happy to speak to someone about all these. I was happy that I gave her a chance to speak. It was late in the night by then and I had to leave. She had settled down by ordering an ‘all meat’ pizza. I smiled, shook my hands and said diplomatically ‘it was nice to meet you’ and I heard a response ‘same here’. She was at the door when she waved and said ‘you speak good English’. I waved back with a ‘ta’ at the end and said ‘we speak English back at home as well’.

The whole experience was something unusual. It gave me food for thought for the whole night and I thought; I was so fortunate not to be born in such a family or country. I am glad that we don’t have to lead our lives by following such examples. A strong bond, a feeling that relationships are made forever still binds us. I can never forget that woman; she has made me feel that we Indians are great with strong ethical values and family bondage. I feel she is one single example of west, is there is something that these people should learn from us or is it just that we follow them blindly and accept anything that has a tag ‘comes from west’ ?

18 months in ‘Home away from Home’……………

San Do Hazaar chaar, sathra sethember, (17th Sep, 2004) celebrations in the Bangalore Airport. I was on voyage to one of the most exotic and after sought places in the world. London. This is a kaleidoscopic picture of my experience in this land of imperialism from that day.

First flight of my life to Mumbai was a little better than journey in a high tech bus just for the reason I was flying and was not on ground. After a three hour long wait in the international lounge at Mumbai, I boarded a better flight (AI) and realized it was better only in size and it flew out of the country. With approx 10hrs journey to reach London, I de-boarded the great flying machine, checked thru clearance with my two big dogs (called suitcases) and one bag. I moved on to Guildford by coach (known as bus to us) where I had to share accommodation with another Indian. The journey in the land of ‘Your Highness’ started from that day and is still on.

For a guy who liked the hustle bustle of Gandhi bazaar (Bangalore, India) and its ever hungry crowd, this posh, grave silent land was killing initially, but now I am used to it ( I had no options either!). Guildford, Surrey, the place I live is one of the posh localities in the UK, with every 15th car being a Ferrari, and every second or third car a Merc or BMW, it is a visual treat for all those fanatic crazy car lovers.

Communication!! Yes it was a problem initially, not with Britons, but with people I used live with. They were all from Hyderabad, India. It was/is fun because they speak in Telugu but I reply to them in Hindi, I speak better Hindi now than before. Initially understanding English by English was tough when people write and speak m8 (pronounced as mite, which actually means mate), (Un)fortunately now even I speak like that!! It is a land of diplomacy. A typical 5 minute conversation with an English will include an average of 3-4 ‘Pleases’ and 9-10 ‘Thank Yous’ with intermittent ‘Sorrys’. The three golden words in ‘English’ English dictionary.

Um… now the reason for me to come to the UK. Yes! To study for Masters. (MSc in HR). May sound quite weird for an engineer to master in HR; however the course was not just HR. It was also about learning various sections of UK law, pecuniary losses, constructive destruction and many more. Trying to learn to use strategies to wipe of the camouflage of most of complex ideas, words and phrases!! But anyways it has always been fun to study HR and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though there was a deadline for some assignment or course work everyday. It is all past now, because I graduated recently!

Blimey! Next part of this pack is the one that is most exciting. Girls!! Being honest, not that great, however the low jeans are far low than the required 5” from the naval, probably 7”. The other side of this is sad, teenage girls around 12 or 13 are the ones who create records in the UK of being the youngest mother. (Youngest mother of the UK is 11 years old). I ought to mention, my course mates…Wow! Breath taking similarity...it was all Chinese girls. Everyone looks the same. With so many analogous faces around, it is tough even now for me to identify them. Their tongue twisting names makes it even tougher to communicate with them. I should admit a few of them are really cute and hot!!!

UK, as a location is good both naturally and man made, everything here is automated, looks quite boring for a guy from India where most of the things are manual. It is only machines working and no humans around, however I should thank technology when once I had a conference call with my friends in the US, the UK, India, and Singapore, and It was great! Hats off to that great person who found something called mobile phone technology. The reality of virtual world of internet, interesting and emotional conference internet chats all have become an inseparable ingredient of my life now.

Of course there are things I miss. ‘Kannada’ my language, road side paani-puri n gobi. My people and the ease at which I could reach them n many more. Finally, I have learnt that the distance speaks, with every e-mail going from my mail box with a signature keep mailing or keep in touch, people who I just knew in India, I know them better now. Good to know that people open up when someone who they like is not near them and I have been experiencing it. I am actually feeling great about it. The world here in the UK continues as usual, however u guys ‘keep in touch and keep mailing’

The Journey Starts

The journey has just started. I have set the ship to sail in my ocean of thoughts. I hope I will never reach my destination..........