The discontentment

I have been pondering over this for some time now. I don’t know why I am like this, still can’t figure out any reason for this behaviour of mine. I am not greedy neither I expect things that are unusual. There is always some discontent in me. I have done many exciting things, seen many beautiful places, have had many thrilling experiences, yet, there is something missing in all of my experiences. Especially, last few years, with a lot of new experiences, this unhappiness has grown, irrespective of what I do. My friends were ecstatic when they saw the Swiss Alps. I saw it as well, but it dint make me euphoric rather it was like any other thing for me. I think I get more pleasure in tidying my room and keep it all organised than watching a blockbuster movie or having the most delicious food. Honestly, I don’t know what makes me happy, I have observed my behaviour, where my happy scale would be showing new highs when I speak and spend some quality time with my school friends and a few more people. I can’t even express this discontentment; I probably would be happy if I do something drastically different than the rest or do something to my standards of perfection.

Final Adieu- Good bye old England

It was 60th year of Indian independence celebrations last week. I was not in India at that time; I was away in the UK, a last few days of my stay. It wasn’t the same kind of feeling that anyone would be feeling a week before they go to their home country, to their families (well, to most Indians at least).

I have been thinking about it for weeks, this year’s Independence Day would be a bit different for me as a person, because, staying away from home country for around three years makes you feel overly patriotic. I have seen the country developing, staying away. The amount of happiness you get when you hear the sensex go up, new things are shown about India in any TV channel and all such trivial things is incomparable. Email inboxes will usually have a few forwards about India and a few web links will be off liners. I never missed anything like that and in fact I have forwarded it to many others including a few British. We have travelled miles to be a part of Indian-ness in the west. All this does not seem strange, because everything suddenly becomes “matter-of-fact” overnight and everyone practical in their thoughts and actions. I have been a part of this vogue for last three years now. I was away and staying away has changed me as a person, for the better I believe and what I believe is true.

My experience here in the UK has been immersed with different experiences, well; I would say learning/observations. Almost three years, life was completely different for the life that spent three years ago and now after three years I am returning to the life that I spent three years ago. I am sure things would have changed a lot there. I can guess that it would be no different to the place where I live now. I am happy in a way that I am following my words. I always used to say “Life in the UK is just an experience and not life!” I would say, that the life in the UK has taught me so many things that I would have probably taken a decade to learn if I were to be in India itself. It has accelerated many things in life, from being independent to appreciating and valuing people of different origins. It is amazing how we all are different, yet we all are same.
As I type this, I have a weird feeling; I am growing increasingly cynical about my return home. How I wished that I would go back when I am here, but now when the time has come, I am sceptical about my life back home. It is not that I am here all my life and am going to a completely different country for the first time, but it is still the feeling of going away from something that you unknowingly adapted and started not to dislike (for e.g. when you start craving for burgers and fries of Burger King)

Finally, a grand SALUTE and BOW to Imperial England!! GOOD BYE OLD ENGLAND! I am sure I will miss you.

PS: This again was written a couple of months back, but posting only now. Better late than never! :)

Life eh?

She was there, standing, was waiting I guess. I came rushing towards her, seeing my watch. Thought I would miss, in fact I was more than brisk walking, I was running. I was all smiling. I was early, rather it was late. I had to wait, so was she. She was restless, lifting her legs backwards at random times. She was smiling though. I was waiting, so was she. I was seated in the waiting area. She was standing though there was some seating. In front of me were the youth of Britain. 4 blond girls in skimpy clothing flashing their latest mobiles were opposite to me shouting and screaming (literally). She was still restless, I could not stand her restlessness any more. I walked to her and offered her my seat. She said, with lovely smile. I should say, she was very attractive. She came to me after that and we started speaking. She said “ I have pain in my legs and they are swollen(she showed me her feet). I cant sit because my back pains as well. I am OK this way sweetheart” I could not say anything, because she could not sit nor stand. I felt pretty bad for her state and asked her why cant she go by a cab and even offered her to call the cab for her. She smiled and her teeth less jaw was visible and she said “I cant afford it love”. I have to stay mum. She continued “ I am 82 love and have 5 children; unfortunately no one is around and I live in an old age home”. She continued her story while the bus turned up and we all got back in the queue. I carefully avoided the seat next to her as I really could not hear her story anymore, but was definitely thinking about her and how her family would be. This is life everywhere, irrespective of east or west.

PS: I had written this blog ages back, but it is up only now because of lack of time/interest.