Nice...

It is a pleasant feeling, if what you think will happen, happens! Isn't it?

Strange Equation

30 seconds = 30 years

30 seconds can make a relationship for 30 years

and

30 seconds can break a relationship of 30 years

growing up

We grow up with issues at varied intensities and at varied intervals
Age 5 = issues with your mother/father/brother/teacher
Age 10= more issues with mother/father/brother/teacher
Age 15= issues with teacher/ more issues with friends
Age 20= more issues with friends/relationships/environment
Age 25= super issues with relationships/family/yourself
Age 30= issues with wife/boss
Age 35= more issues with wife/in-laws/parents/boss/children
Age 40=more issues with teenage children/boss/in-laws
Age 45=issues with wife/health/children
Age 50= issues with health/retirement plans/parents
Age 55= super issues with retirement/health/grandchildren
Age 60= issues of relying on children/friends

We all grow up with the issues, the more we tend to resolve it, the more, we get deeper into it, similarly, the more we tend to get away from it, we still get deeper into it. It is a maze, endless maze with no escape route.

Rewind forwarded

It is an hour past mid night and guess what am I doing? I am reading my own blog and reliving my past.

Try it!

Faces

My friend’s sister’s friend, a distant acquaintance of mine, short, sweet, beautiful and works in the same place as I do now. It’s strange; I have met up with her many times at workplace not as a part of my work, but in food courts. One of my first meetings was rather strange, because both of us remember each other by faces and not by names. We exchanged smiles and small talks in which she mentioned she has moved into management cadre of her organisation. All composed and professional, I appreciated the way she carried herself. We met a couple of times again, this time we knew each other’s names (obviously both of us had checked our names at our respective resources) Some time ago, I saw her yet again in the food court, with her team, trying to convince the way who serves the food to make a special dish for her team. She was all smiling, bubbly and energetic and was speaking in Hindi addressing he man as ‘Bhaiyya’. Another set of girls joined her and pressurised (rather buttered) the man up to which he finally agreed.

I was standing beside her and observing the way she was talking, expressing and convincing the man. She dint notice me. After a while, she looked at me and was surprised (can say, rather she was shocked) to see me there. I was smiling enough for her to understand that I have been there for a while. She asked “How long are you here for?” I said, “Right from the time you and your team started to butter this man up!” pointing at the man. She wasn’t really about it I guess. She said “You should have spoken to me earlier, I dint see you here. If I had, I guess I would have behaved well” .....Those last few words “I would have behaved well” is lingering in my mind since then. It is, yet again conformity to my belief that we all are two faced ‘private faced’ and ‘public faced’. I thought it is just me, this experience, kind of make me believe, it is just not me, I guess all of us. Why aren’t we just ‘WE’?..... Always.........?

Indigenousness

I think it has been at least 10 years or even more I guess, since I saw this man (well, a boy at that time) I don’t even remember his name. Well, I met up with this man, who was once my tuition mate and we had interacted quite a lot then. I was amazed that he recognized me because I could have not, I guess. I was eating pani poori at a gaadi near my work place as I had some time to start my work.

Um... he stopped seeing me, though he was on his motorbike. It was a nice meet, it was awkward because I could not remember his name, (in such situations like this is it pretty usual with me). I vaguely remembered his face, but yet again, I managed somehow.

Some time ago, I was talking to one of my friends while having coffee at Adiga’s, (a restaurant) one of my teachers who had taught me in high school was also there. I was glad that I knew (rather remember) him, but to my surprise, he too remembered me and called me out by name. We spoke for around five mins while my friend was busy having coffee and talking on his mobile. I waved bye to my teacher, and my friend asked me who he was. I told him that he was my high school teacher and he was pleasantly surprised that my teachers remembered me (and that too by name) I told him, it is because I have not changed a lot in the way I look, which is fairly true. I would rather like to say, I remain young in my looks, but unfortunately I can’t. Yet, the indigenousness of this place makes it mine, makes it special, and makes me feel where I belong to.

Smirk

Some strange things are always a part of our lives, things which you don’t want to encounter and yet you encounter or you would be forced to be encountered. I come from a true Jayanagar (Bangalore) based Brahmin family, and such families have their own set of clichés or say a standard decorum that a boy (especially a Brahmin boy) has to maintain. The more I tend to run from that frame worked lifestyle, the more I am getting trapped into it. It is not bad; it is just that I don’t want to be a part of it. Well, it goes something like this, English medium education for school, admissions into some reputed colleges in the same area, an engineering degree from one of the most reputed institutions in Jayanagar/Basavanagudi (old Bangalore) and a job in an MNC called Infosys. For parents of young boys, this is the dream path which their kids should follow and how much ever I wanted to deviate from this oath and carve my own way out, things seem to cross this ideal path. Crossing is okay, as it still doesn’t make u following that path, but the time or the period of the crossing is a bit awkward. As mentioned earlier, this is the path ‘Ideal’ according to many parents and my parents are not exception to it either. One such situation was encountered recently by me, my father was speaking to random man on the street where we live and he was asking about our family. My father was proudly telling that I am now working in Infosys and my entire story of where/when/how I got educated. The conversation was being continued and I interrupted to speak to my father and the strange man asked me the same things what my father had spoken with him a minute earlier, as a confirmation I guess. Then it struck to me, that I actually fit it really well into that cliché and all I did was SMIRKED!

Note: I work IN Infosys and not FOR Infosys.

Saturday

‘Saturday bandhu thumbha dina aiythu alva amma’ (It has been long time since it was Saturday) This is what my 5 year old nephew asked my sister and we all just laughed, but, if we think, do we all feel like that? I don’t at the moment.

$%^&*Confusion $%^&*

I cant just be I. Dont know why?

Ammamma

“Ammamma”, a name, a beauty, a lady and an epic. That is what we used to call our grandmother. We USED to, because she passed away a few months ago. She was a legend, someone who never considered herself less than any in anyway. She had an amazing charm in her, I am sure; she would be the ‘babe of the village’ in her teens. She was unusual in her family, because all her brothers were dark in colour where as my Ammamma was fair and beautiful. All of us, we cousins would always tease her the same and I am sure my grandfather was completely bolded over her beauty. It was not just that, she was a bit too much of everything. She never considered herself less to anyone in anyway. Though she was not from a wealthy family, she never let anyone knew about her family status.

She was an epic among all her family members. She was loud, demanding and very authoritative. She had five sons and one daughter, who was the apple of the pie of family. My grandmother had her seal everywhere with a lot of talcum powder on her face and a big round bindi (of vermilion) with a fake hair bun (usually shaped like a bread roll) and a lot of flowers on it. She was an example of exemplified Indian beauty. She was indeed beautiful to many of them, men loved her and women envied her beauty. She had too much of hospitability in her and especially to her grandchildren, she was someone to who we were waiting to meet. Functions, festivals and every other celebration at home; she was the main co-ordinator. Not to forget, she was the ideal mother-in-law to all her daughters-in-law with all the regular ‘clichéd’ things between them (both good and bad with more bad than good)

Her death marked the end of all the celebrations of my return to India. She died with disease that was strange to our family. She was in hospital for 20 days and she faced the life with courage. It’s unfortunate that the advanced medicine could not make her do what she wanted to, Live... live longer and enjoy life. It is then, that struck to me, how trivial the science is. It is like, that there is someone who is very thirsty with a pot of water in front of him and he can’t get there to drink it.

Many a times she has been an example to me, though she dint teach me literally. She couldn’t because she was uneducated. She could not write nor read, yet she lived a life the way she wanted to, keeping everything and everyone in control. Considering that, she was a genius in the art of life. I have learnt from her and always have appreciated her ways of doing things. She even taught me something or made me realize when she died; she enabled me to realize how feeble I was, both physically and emotionally. She was there lying on the hospital bed lifelessly in a small room and all the visitors were showing their condolences, some fake and some real. I was near her head which had the gauze tied around it and there were no visitors for around 10 mins. I was alone with her and I touched her forehead. It sent shocks to me; she was cold and not moving. It was for the first time, I realized what death is, I had not seen death so closely till now. I was infect scared for a fraction of second with so many what ifs in my head, What if she would move my hand away? What if she will start talking to me? What if she sits on the bed and pulls her gauze away? Nothing like that happened though.

Her death helped to understand myself better I guess (I am being selfish here) she made me realize that emotions run high, I wasn’t emotional to see her death, I was about to break down when I saw my sister’s hand shivering as she touched her and waived a final good bye and when my aunt wished her the final adieu. I don’t know why, there are a few people who I can’t see crying. I went upstairs to the kitchen and held my handkerchief hard against my eyes. I was actually crying, don’t know the reason, but I was. I learnt something more about myself. I guess that is life...self discovery.

Finally, hats off Ammamma....may your soul rest in peace.

Should I?

Sitting on a luxury couch, listening to some english song which I cant understand, my laptop on me, sipping hot cup of latte which would probably cost me just under hundred bucks. I am in one of the posh bakeries in Koramangala (Bengaluru, India) and watching the rain as I type this. Beautiful it is indeed, the rain, the dampness, the smell, the sound, everything, but this is marred by unnecessary honkers, speeding vehicles and the crap english song. I am enjoying it and am also thinking how different it would be, if it was something more of me in the environment. The same cozy sofa, the same laptop, the same rain, but different song, no noise of vehicles, no expensive coffee. I would have cherished it more with a hot samosa or a hot kachori with boling hot filter coffee or masala chai. Is this the enjoyment what I intend? Dont know. I guess everyone wishes for something more than what they have. I am normal and I am an ordinary human influenced by worldly activities. How do I do something different from the rest of the fellow humans? I think and think again, should I do something different? Should we all?

Randomly

Increasing waist line ............away from mysore.............. pain..........sympathy............suggestions...........time off........advices..............surgery.........extra care................knife....... children........home.........deliberations.........bandage............ movies.............. blood..............hospital.........reasons...........

2007

New year- new job- old company. Well, Dec 31st 2006, I started off again in my old company in the UK where I worked during my MSc, but this time in a manager’s role. Great start for the year, I thought, well, it was indeed. I was sure to go back home this year, so I was just a maternity cover for three quarters of the year. It is here, where I learnt, how tough it is to manage people. My people management skills were tried and tested, but I guess I won in the end. Not everyone was happy all the time, but, if we consider the percentage, the happy people were more than the not so happy ones. I cherished those times and I made some good friends. I impressed many people I worked with and they stumped me as well. I was looking not at their looks, but the inner person. We all are same, irrespective of gender, colour and race. I tuned my people skills, my language, and my accent I guess. It was time for me to leave. Left my job and soon left the country to return to India. Returned to India, bit fairer, but father and bit confused about my future, but, I was glad that I did. I could see a change in my immediate family. Witnessed the unexpected, strange, yet true. Then a new lease of life started, unfortunately had to start from scratch.
I think the distance builds/breaks relationships. I enjoyed one such relationship which had a technology as a base; internet/telephone formed the soul and veins of it. Last few months of my stay in the UK, I had grown extremely close to a girl who I met over the internet. We spoke for hours, from work, on the way, from my house, hours together and I had grown an inclination to meet up with her immediately after I returned to India. Things were fine and one fine day after I returned, don’t know what happened, we stopped speaking for no apparent reason. It made me really think, that distance really can make or break a relationship. I guess I won’t see that girl again. Reason nothing in particular. The father I was, the better it was I guess. My return marked a number of celebrations at home in form of many family gatherings and others. Just after that, a sad fold, my Nan fell ill and died couple of months after my return. Bad, very sad......:(
I started off my new job, completely different from my previous job, a bit more to do with people. I do a more respectable job now, I facilitate people to learn about themselves and develop various skills. I still am an amateur, but the start seems to be great and I hope for the best in the future. Good bye 2007. Welcome 2008!!