The Haunting Question - WHY ???

My wife and I have this debate quite often and I have no clue why is the system set up this way? I appreciate what Indian traditions and customs bring to the society, as most of the customs have scientific reasoning which we are not aware of. The rediscovery of the same from the modern society just reiterates that the customs are there for a reason and we might not know it or the previous generations have interpreted them in their own way, accommodating to their needs and fancies. I cannot ignore the valid point which my wife puts across during the debate and I cannot logically defend the stance of the society and this question haunts me and most of the husbands in the world (at least in eastern cultures) I guess. The question is ‘Why is that, only girl has to come and live with husband/husband’s family and why NOT the other way round?’

Interesting Metaphor

Read a poem where there is an interesting metaphor

'The KISS is a fight between two pairs of lips' 

Sounds cruel yet sensual :) 

Colour DOES matter

I have been recently working from the UK, where I was once there for my post-graduation. Things haven’t changed in six years and everything remains the same. It is like the time is stood still, but the only difference is that I now stay on the other end of London, called Kent. It is lovely typical British town. People are generally friendly and I use public transport to commute to work. It is one of those instances where the colour of skin does really matter. IT was a typical bus journey with people of all sorts travelling. Two buggies and one wheel chair user were also in the bus. The first half of the bus were mostly elderly people and the second half were mix of all age groups, including me.

A group of three boys got onto the bus and two of them showed their passes (Oyster cards) to the machine and walked in. One Caucasian and one of African origin and the third one was also of African origin. It was obvious by their behaviour that all the boys were teenagers and were all born and brought up in the UK. The driver asked for the pass of the third boy to check on something and did not return and ask the boy the leave the bus. The boy argued as to what was the problem. The driver explained and asked him to leave, but he did not return the card. There was a heated argument between the driver and the young African boy delaying the journey. People in the bus were getting restless and at that instance, one Caucasian woman, a mother of one of the babies in the buggy, screamed abusively and asked the boy to leave the bus immediately. He said, ask the driver to return his card as he would leave. The driver did not budge and the argument grew between the boy and the lady. Out of the blue, the lady said, ‘you niggers, why do you come and trouble us? Why don’t you go back to Nigeria and live there’. The young boy was furious and became abusive saying, ‘don’t be racist, I am a British and I have a British passport. I am born here’… the argument continued for 15 minutes stalling the bus and calling all the undue attention, and ultimately the boy had to give up and get out of the bus. There were talks about all sorts. One of the elderly gentleman said, ‘I know the law, the driver is right in doing what he did’.

It just crossed my mind that this happened to the young boy today, it may happen to me tomorrow. We are after all people of different colour and definitely ‘COLOUR DOES MATTER’. It is sad to learn such things happen even now as it is more of human nature and cannot be completely eradicated. Would I have behaved in a different way than the mother in the bus, if I were to be her, was the question that was going on in my mind? There were all talks about what happened and what each of the person could have done till the end of the journey.

I guess, I have gotten to used to the shouts and taunts you get on the streets, for your appearance and for your way of talking and have learnt to be okay with it. I am amazed at the strength of human mind to be okay 

S'he' - Part 2

On the way back home, ‘he’  was thinking of the last few sentences what ‘The Man’-the would be father in law had said, “Sir, I won’t tell her anything, I will play innocent and introduce you in our daily conversations and understand what she feels about you”. ‘He’ was all smiling, imagining in his mind, how the conversations would start and how would ‘she’ react to those conversations.

The next day (26^th April 2012), ‘he’ pinged ‘she’ on gtalk and asked her, if she can meet him anywhere outside work. ‘She’ sensing something, hesitatingly agreed as ‘he’ is the boss of the company. She said yes and we discussed for a while on where to meet up. ‘She’ had left the office early and both of them decided to meet at a joint 10 minutes away from the office. ‘He’ was not sure of the joint and ‘she’ was already there. ‘He’ called ‘she’ and asked for directions. They both met up and went inside to joint. ‘he’ looked for a quieter corner and found one, which was not a corner but was still quiet. He pointed the seats to she and both sat across the table. ‘he’ was all smiling and ‘she’ was also quite comfortable with him.

He……. ‘What do you want to have?’

She….. ‘Nothing’

He…. ‘Please have something. I will have an ice cream. It won’t be nice that I eat something and you nothing’

She….’Nothing, please”, slight frown on her face

He….. ‘I insist’

She….’okay, I will have a chocolate milk shake’

He ordered them and as the waiter moved away from the table,

He said to her ‘You know why you are here right?’

She…. ‘Kind of, but not sure’

He….. ‘come on, don’t tell me, you don’t know’

She…. ‘seriously, I do not know’

He….. ‘Okay, the reason why I called you to meet me today ……pause……is to tell you what I think of you’

She… Quiet…

He continues.. ‘I am sure you know about it. I am not sure why, but it is for sure, that I have started to like you and want to marry you!!! what do you think of it?’

She….still calm and not very surprised.. ‘How can you think of me like that knowing me. I have come here only because you’re the boss and I did not want to say no’

He….. ‘Come on! Don’t tell me you were not aware of it! You knew it all and ahhh yes! What have you told your parents about you being here?’

She … ‘I told them that I am coming to meet up with you and they are okay with it’

He… ‘Who did you say it to?’

She.. ‘My mom’

He …. ‘What did she say?’

She… ‘Nothing.. I tell her everything and she is okay with it. I have told her that you have asked me to meet up in a restaurant near office at half seven’

The waiter got the ice cream and chocolate milk shake. We were quiet till he left and ‘she’ was looking at ‘he’s’ hands for a while

He…. ‘Please taste the ice cream, before I start it’

She… smiled and frowned at the same time and said ‘No, I don’t want to’

He… ‘Please, it’s okay to taste it, I love ice cream and I will still eat it, I am asking you to only taste it’

She… now angry put her spoon into the cup and took the smallest scoop ‘okay?’

He.. Smiled and said….’thanks’ and continued ‘don’t tell me, that you did not know, you always knew I liked you and you always knew that we are not just friends at work’

She.. ‘No, I did not’

He… ‘Don’t lie, I understand what a person thinks of me, in fact I know what everyone thinks of me at work’

She …’then knowing me and my situation, you really should not be asking me, should you? How can you?’.. and a pause

He… ‘There are few things which I have liked and I always have worked towards getting it and it is not easy for me to get it, because I am not lucky enough to get it. Now, I think, we can be a good match. Both of us have similar upbringing, similar lifestyles and ideas. I am not sure how much you know about me, but I know your family and my family will be great together and things would be perfect, if we get married’

She… all frowning now ‘no, I cannot and more than that, I do not want anything now’

He…. ‘Listen up, I only have a request, I do not want you to say yes to me right away. I want you to think and understand all the pros and cons and then make a decision. If you would reject without even thinking about us, I would come back to you and ask. If you think over it and then let me know the logical reasons why you think, we cannot get married, I would not bother you again. Also, please don’t think, that if you say no, I would commit suicide or go mental and act crazy. I would still be normal and okay and probably will get married to someone else, might not be whole heartedly, but yes, time will make it all good. I want you to think about it and think hard. Let me know how much time you want 10 days? 15 days?. What I will do, I will give you sometime, you have my number and you can call me or I will call you after a few days. Okay?’

She… ‘No, I still would say no to you, I cannot imagine that you are asking me to get married even after I say no’

He…. ‘I know, you would say ‘No’ because you haven’t thought about it. Think about it genuinely and then tell me a ‘no’ with logical reasoning and I would be okay with it. You cannot say no without even thinking about it. You can call me and let me know about it’

She…’okay, I shall try to think about it’

He….’see, in the office it is business as usual. We don’t know each other and we wouldn’t talk about it at all’

She…’did you even think, I would do it?’

The waiter came over and said, ‘Sir, do you mind shifting to this table (pointing at another table). There is a family waiting’ and ‘He’ realised, it is too late and he has to drop ‘she’ off to her home. 

Both left the hotel and in the bike stand, he said, ‘Thank you for coming and I know you would ‘. 

She smiled and said ‘its okay’

Both got on their bikes and ‘he’ followed the bike of ‘she’.

Interesting Irony

"My mother is a great believer of marriage. She has had four of them"

This is a line from one of the books I am reading now, 'Six Suspects' by Vikas Swaroop, the author of 'The Slumdog Millionaire'.

Though, I am a not a great fan of fiction, I find this read interesting or it is may be I am reading a book after a long time. I should really say, he writes well. His language is good.  The line above is from a character who is an American who is all excited to get married to an Indian girl. Sounds funny yet speaks profound of the belief of modern society. Are we really going to teach the next generation this way?

Bhakti rasa and song about death

Just listen to this lovely song by MS Subbalakshmi. She is a legend and the Bhakti rasa in this song is unmatchable. Click Here

Another song which I was looking up on internet and finally found it (Thanks to Harsha). It is a song about death and the inevitability of it. Brilliant composition and well sung. Watch here

14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life

It was up on linked in, one of the articles published on www.dumblittleman.com about Benjamin Franklin

14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life


I feel it is perfect, at least in the situation I am in right now !!! Read it 

Here are 14 action-inducing lessons from him: 

• Less Talk, More Action 
  
  “Well done is better than well said.”
  Talk is cheap. Talking about a project won't get it completed. We all know people who constantly talk about the things they are going to do but rarely ever take that first step. Eventually people begin to question their credibility. Taking action and seeing the task through to completion is the only way to get the job done.

• Don’t Procrastinate 
  
  “Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.”
  This is probably one of the first quotes I remember hearing as a teenager. With an impressive list of achievements to his credit, Benjamin Franklin was not a man hung up on procrastination. He was a man with clear measurable goals who worked hard to turn his vision into reality. What are you putting off till tomorrow that could make a difference in your life today?

• Be Prepared 
  
  “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”
  You need a plan to accomplish your goals. Charging in without giving any thought to the end result and how to achieve it, is a sure way to fall flat on your face. Think like a boy scout. Have a realistic plan of attack and a systematic approach for getting where you need to be.

• Don’t Fight Change 
  
  “When you're finished changing, you're finished.”
  Whilst many of us don’t like change, others thrive on it. Either way change is inevitable. The stronger we fight against it, the more time and energy it consumes. Give up the fight. Focus on proactively making positive changes, instead of having change merely thrust upon you. Wherever possible, try to view change as a positive instead of a negative.

• Get Moving 
  
  “All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.”
  There’s a reason we use the expression, movers and shakers. Movers are the ones who take action, the people who get things done, while the immovable are sitting around scratching their heads wondering how others could possibly be so successful. Which group do you want to belong to?

• Avoid Busywork 
  
  “Never confuse motion with action.”
  We are always running around doing things. We rush from one meeting or event to the next, sometimes without achieving a great deal. At the end of the day, how much of our busywork are we proud of? How much of that running around improves anyone’s life (including ours) for the better? Make your motion mean something.

• Give Yourself Permission to Make Mistakes 
  
  “Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.”
  If we fear making mistakes, we become scared to try new things. Fear leaves us nestled in our comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone rarely leads to greatness. Taking risks and giving yourself permission to make mistakes, will ultimately lead you to whatever your version of success may be.

• Act Quickly on Opportunities 
  
  “To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.”
  Opportunities are everywhere. The trick is being quick enough and smart enough to seize them when they arise. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that something won’t work or can’t be done, allow yourself the freedom to ask what if?

• Continue to Grow 
  
  “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”
  We all have vices of some description. The key is to keep them under control or preferably eradicate them entirely. Be kind to those around you, whether they are neighbors, family, co-workers or friends. Never accept that you have finished growing as a person.

• Keep Going 
  
  “Diligence is the mother of good luck.”
  Have you ever looked at a successful entrepreneur or business person and thought how lucky they are? Most of the time, luck has nothing to do with it. Hard work and sacrifice on the other hand have everything to do with it. Successful people deal with failure. They tackle their demons head on. They pick themselves up and keep going.

• Know Yourself 
  
  “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self.”
  Understanding ourselves is not easy. Sometimes we just don’t want to see ourselves for who we really are. It’s much easier to hold onto a romanticized version of ourselves or to simply view ourselves through other people’s eyes. Start by being brutally honest with yourself. Follow through with understanding, compassion and acceptance.

• Don’t Self-Sabotage 
  
  “Who had deceived thee so often as thyself?”
  We spend so much time worrying about other people hurting us, yet fail to comprehend the damage we inflict on ourselves. If you are using negative self-talk, lying to yourself or indulging in addictive behavior you are self-sabotaging. Life can dish up enough challenges without us adding to the mix. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would a best friend.

• Don’t Give Up 
  
  “Energy and persistence conquer all things.”
  Achieving our goals can be downright exhausting. There will be days when you want to give up. There will be times when your energy levels flatline and you wonder why you bother getting out of bed. Yet you push forward, day after day because you believe in yourself and you have the determination and strength to back up that belief.

• Wise Up 
  
  “Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”
  Benjamin was definitely onto something with this one. Who hasn’t had the thought - I wish I could know then, what I know now? Unfortunately there is no time machine; there is no going back. The key is to wise up as early as you can to start forging a life of purpose, achievement and happiness.

Then he appears..........

It was a late night ice cream eating craving that took my wife and me to BDA complex in Banashakari 2^nd stage, in Bangalore. It is a beautiful place and normally houses good crowd as the eateries are good and the place makes you feel like a true Bangalorean. It is 10 in the night and we parked our bike in the stand and headed to the Baskin Robbins and spent good 45 minutes there and headed back home by 10.45 ish… I sat on the bike and my wife behind me, we started; however I felt something was not right. The bike was all wobbly and I stopped after confirming that something has gone wrong. It was 11 in the night and the tyre of the bike is punctured. Where would anyone get a mechanic to fix it at that hour of the day? When we were discussing our bad luck, he appears, a man with all the things needed to fix our bike. He was on his bike and he saw our bike in the front and said in Kannada, “Sir, I see the tyre is punctured and I think, we need to fix it”. We expressed our grief and how fixed we are at that time of the day. He says, he has everything to fix our bike and we were thrilled with the fact that he was there to help. We were cheering and just couldn’t believe our luck. We were even thinking that our good deeds of the past resulted in such a miracle. We thanked him more than required, paid him more than what he asked for, for all his help and kindness towards us. We came home on a high as we were so happy that someone helped us at almost midnight.

We narrated the story to my parents and they were happy, while my wife was speaking to them, it flashed to me that the guy might have actually punctured the bike tyre and played all innocent and helpful. We sat back and understood the events that happened and it clearly showed that we were taken for ride. Felt bad about it and was humiliated by the thought of not judging the situation.

Poem

Check this poem

Author is my 8 year old nephew, Hrishikesh. Isnt it super cool?

S'he' - Part 1

She has a ‘he’ in her and he is part of ‘she’

 

Sometime, mid April 2011, when 'he' has been contemplating on his life and where is it heading, he made a few firm decisions.

He calls up The Man and says “Sir, I want to talk to you something very important”

The Man “Anything serious? Hope everything is fine”

He, “Nothing serious, but something very important. I can come down now, if you are free. It would take 20 minutes, is it okay?”

The Man “Um… yes, please come down. I will wait for you in my office”

He, “Great!! Will see you in 10 minutes” ….. 

He was little nervous and his heart was pounding a little, not sure of the response to his talks, he was uncertain of his approach. He was wondering, what if The Man gets angry and annoyed and yell at him.. not sure of anything, he still decided to go on and see what can happen….

10 minutes later……………..

The Man, “welcome sir, how are you?” extended his hand for a handshake

He, “Thanks Sir, I am good, you?” shook hands with The Man, little not so sure of how the conversation will shape up

The Man … “Please come, we shall sit in the office” and walked firm.. ‘He’ obediently followed him and sat on a chair while The Man took his chair and a big table between us….The Man said….”yes sir, how can I help you?” and smiled…….

He….. little not so sure on how to start, drank water from his bottle and sat up firm, he tried to have the best demeanour, to not give away his tension out to The Man in front of him.. with little firm voice.. “so.. how are  things? How are  you and your son? What is he upto? I understand from ‘she’ that he is better now and wants to rejoin my company. How is he now; is he better and has no issues?”

The Man …”Oh yeah! He is good, I really should thank you for your advice”, not sure if The Man really was thankful, ‘he’ sat on the chair, trying to listen intently .. The Man continued “he is a lot better now, I feel, he getting back to normal”

He.. smiled and said “glad sir, hope, everything is fine….” And got to the point..”Sir.. I have another very important thing to discuss with you. I am not sure, if you are prepared for this, but I want to say what I think…..What do you think of ‘she’ and me together. I know ‘she’ from the time she has joined my company and I think, I have started to like her. I wanted your opinion of what you think of me… “ 

The Man was neither shocked nor surprised, his expressions were a mix of a lot of things, mostly trying to hide his true emotions ………..

‘He’ continued “Sir… in my life, I have liked very few things and ‘she’ is one of them. I feel, her upbringing is fine and suits my idea of a typical girl, who I want to marry. I am not from a rich class, I am from a middle class family who has got what I always wanted, because I have worked for it”……pause…and he continues “I would like to marry ‘she’ and I wanted to inform you first before I talk to her. I know, there would be issues, but I am okay to fight it out. I am not sure of how much you know about me……..” and started to explain his upbringing and what all he has done in the life so far

The Man listened to ‘he’ patiently with his inputs of what he has done in his life and how things have been with him in life, particularly about his son and ‘she’.  The Man, explained that he was happy that ‘he’ was talking about ‘she’ to him first and not to ‘she’ directly. The conversation went on for about half hour that evening between The Man and ‘he’, both trying to understand how things can be worked out. It was a pleasant conversation, but ‘he’ had a lot of questions about the result

‘He’ was however proud of his decision of talking to The Man and said “I wanted to talk to you first and take your opinion, before I speak to ‘she’. I want you to be aware of it and be okay with it”, for which The Man smiled and thanked ‘he’ and said “let me talk to my wife on this and will let you know soon”….

 

‘he’ said…..”Sir, I want to think about it thoroughly and let me know, because I do not want to play around in such matters and get disappointed”… not sure of why he said that. He did not have a negative thought in his mind for the entire conversation and some amazing confidence that things will work out positively for him, made him to speak more and more about his family and how things can be worked out. 

The Man in the end said, “sure sir, give me some time, I shall discuss it with my wife and get back to you” and he asked, “do you have your horoscope?” for which ‘he’ was not ready and said, “yes I do, only a soft copy as I don’t carry hard copies J “. ‘he’ then showed the softcopy of the horoscope to The Man and he noted it on some paper and made some calculations saying “I know how to read horoscopes and I am no master in it, but still excel on basics” and the conversation went on how the matches are done for a while… The Man in the end came out and handed over she’s horoscope to ‘he’ and said, “you can also show it to your people and then get back”

The conversation ended after 2 hours and The Man left to his home. ‘he’ was elated with the conversation he has had with The Man. He was all smiling and happy about it and went home, only thinking of what had just happened……….

The Man, ‘he’ was talking to all the time was his ‘would be father-in-law’ :) :) :) :)

Status Quo

Life = Bliss

Traffic Violation

I am not sure if this is what I call traffic violation. Imagine this

4 bikes at a cross junction, all willing to cross the junction first. The state was

- one bike had three college kids with no helmets
- the second one had a mobile between his chin and shoulder and riding his bike
- third one is middle aged couple with no helmet on the main rider
- fourth is the person with permissible limits of beer but with a helmet on

Now, think, who could be the fourth person in this junction of traffic violation

Re-lived old days

I am very happy today as I re-lived my Sundays of the UK. Cleaned up every corner of the house till lunch, cooked food for myself, watched TV or spent time on net doing things other than work (no wine or beer though), slept and finally closing it with a blog.

I had to spend time by myself for two days as parents and sister's family were out. In the UK, a day all by myself would end up welcoming friends for a binge night out and all the crazy stuff. Here, I waited to welcome my parents to taste the food I prepared :)

Cross Roads

He was there, at the cross roads, yet again, this time more unsure of what to do. He stands still and thinks, about moral obligations to keep people happy, personal happiness, proving one's point, winning an argument. Very indecisive, he is 'still' and thinking

Welcome back

It has been a while since I have written something on in here. Welcome 'me' again.

I have been missing to capture a few things of my life, the 'he' stories and a lot more trying to focus on things which are 'trivial'

Children

Children these days are just amazing. Just read this.

A new feeling

A new feeling or emotion was introduced to me off late, by one of the employees at work. It is strange, the way it had come out. One of our employees got me to talk to her about her work and there was some hot exchange of words and she eventually helped me to talk to her in high pitch and express my anger. The talk, the reason and the situation is not new to me. Normally, in such situations, the anger is replaced by disgust or anguish; however this instance, my response to the situation was anger. I could feel my nerves being pulled tight, hands trembling as my body was not used to react to these new type of brain messages.

Strange it was, but I am happy that, that employee got something out of me. She introduced me to anger. I thank her for that.

Thought - Short Story

He was lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling fan and was both happy and sad. He turned around, and saw on his bed, his laptop next to him, three books, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud and The Living Universe by Sir Francis Younghusband. Looked at the name of the author, younghusband, thought what would he be called if he is old and living with his wife for many years.

It had struck to him after he returned meeting his friends who all had partners. He was still happy that he was doing all that he wanted and was sad, that it might not last all that long as well.

Peace-full Dream

It has been a while since I dreamt. It is very unusual of me that I sleep with all my senses put to rest at the same time. I have something always running, which will eventually keep me away from a good deep sleep. Result - no deep sleep, no dreams, no remembering of it (even if I do dream)

Strange as it sounds, this afternoon's sleep was amazing. No response to the phone calls, door bells, nothing... It was a deep peaceful sleep where I dreamt and after that I woke up to remember bit of it. I remember a girl running and whole lot of people all scattered across and crying for help. Someone came flying from the sky and started to pick the people up. Well, a lot more things happened after that, but I remember only this.

I presume, I was trying to keep the peace even in my dreams. Trying to fight the odds and I would like to assume that the man flying was me, not heroic, but the scene was a desperate attempt to get something done... I wish I remember more.

That's why I say. It was a dream to bring in the peace in full

'He' again

He feels elated, he feels nice seeing the people around him and thinking how better he is than them.

At the same time, he seeps into thinking the use of it, him being better. All in vain. No efforts to recognise it nor any recognition. Feels sad....

He drinks two cups of coffee back to back and get on with work. He is not sure if it was the coffee or it is just him.... he continues being sure that it is not the former one....